I want to be human again, can you help me?

Where you might see nature and earth, life and water, I see a desert landscape that is unending, resembling some sort of crater, so devoid of reason and light and spirit that my mind cannot grasp it on any sort of conscious level and if I come close my mind reels backwards, unable to take it in. It is a vision so clear and real and vital to me that in its purity it is almost abstract. This is what I can understand, this is how I live my life, what I construct my movement around, how I deal with the tangible. This is the geography around which my reality revolves: it does not occur to me, ever, that people are good or that a man is capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's taking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, of receiving another person's love or kindness. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, are things, emotions, that no one really feel anymore. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface is all that anyone finds any meaning in. This is civilisation as I see it, colossal and jagged...