PLEASE HELP!!!! 5 STARS FOR THE BEST ANSWER!!!?

thats brilliant! it's really descriptive and leaves me wanting to read more and find out what the *monster* is and what's going to happen next. i think its always easier to write if you're writing from your own perspective instead of some one elses and it sounds better too. you definitely shouldn't give up! keep going you could be a best seller some day! :)