Ridiculously low Gpa; Honest chance at these colleges?

I think you are well written and confident. If you work hard on your applications and essays, plus go for interviews at your favorite schools, etc, you have a great chance of getting into a college. Your test scores are great, and there's not reason that you shouldn't be able to get into a four year university. Possibly consider pouring your heart into some of your essays (if the question/prompt permits) to kind of explain, if you will, your GPA score just so you stand out of the pool of applicants. But personally, I think you sound like a very intelligent student, and you can go far. Take your time and put thought into your applications. Best of luck to you. I definitely believe in you.